Momma Guilt

I first heard the phrase Momma Guilt while reading the book The Unhealthy Truth by Robyn O’Brien (a very eye opening book, if you haven’t read it!). This phrase resonated deep within me. Not only had I felt a constant worry since I became a mother, but so had many of my friends and clients. We worry if we are feeding our babies enough, or too much, or the wrong food. We worry about the pacifier and the bottle. Are we spending enough time with our kids, or should we let them play alone? Is it a bad thing if we only read to them for 10 minutes instead of 20? Is this the right preschool, or pediatrician, and the list goes on and on.

Uniquely Momma’s

Men do not seem to have this same sense of worry and guilt. They make a decision, follow it, and hope for the best. If it doesn’t work out oh well, they know for the next time. This guilt appears to be unique to mothers, hence the term “momma guilt.” The good news is, if you feel this way you are not alone. Actually, some worry and feelings of guilt are a good thing. They let us know we care about our children and we will protect them. This probably stems from another popular term “momma bear.” We will do anything for our children.

A Heaping Helping

The problem with Momma Guilt is that it usually isn’t a nice, healthy dose of guilt. It is a heaping, overwhelming spoonful. This guilt is exhausting and at times might make you want to just throw in the towel and let the kids have ice cream for dinner. How do we rein in Momma Guilt so it is useful, but not overwhelming?

Breathe

Here is a simple calming exercise taught to me by a wonderful Drama Therapist named Maria Hodermarska. First, give your Momma Guilt a color. Let’s say it is the color brown. Imagine the brown cloud of Momma Guilt is surrounding you. Take a nice deep breath and breathe in the Momma Guilt. Accept this feeling; it is a part of you, even if it is not a healthy part. While you are breathing it in, begin to change the color in your mind to a color of calmness. Perhaps this color is blue. As you breathe out, visualize a calm blue cloud of peace surrounding you. Come up with a mantra to remind yourself of the wonderful mother you are. It might be “this too shall pass” or “I rock.” Say this mantra to yourself a couple times and keep breathing.

Good Enough

Remember, we do not have to be perfect parents for our children to grow up healthy and loved. We just have to be present and do our best. During a bad bout of Momma Guilt, my mother-in-law reminded me that regardless of what we do, our kids will grow up anyway. This does not mean we shouldn’t try our best, but things do have a way of working themselves out and our children will grow up, especially when they have a “good enough” mother to lean on.

P.S. Isn't Baby Bear the cutest baby you ever saw??? This was when he was just 10 days old and now he is over a year. Hold those baby's close Mommas! Time Flies. Thanks Priscilla Chan for the beautiful photos!